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Jennifer is out of town so I had to take the girls with me to a doctors visit.

Doctor: “Are you allergic to anything?”

Me: “No.”

Kathleen: “Yep, just mom.”

Doctor: “Well all husbands are allergic to their wives.”

Me: “Oh. No. She doesn’t mean I am allergic to my wife. She means my wife is allergic to some things.”

Doctor looks at me. Pauses. “Sure.”

Missing Organs

 I got home late today.

Kathleen: Dad, do you want to see my body?

Me: Excuse me?

Kathleen: It was a rough day. I lost a lung and a kidney.

Me: EXCUSE ME?!?

Kathleen: Come see. Lucy, where did you put my body?

Lucy: I put it to sleep on the couch. It deserves a nap. I mean … it did lose a lung today.

Body