Lucy: [on antibiotics, but still coughing from her two-week-long cold] “I’m dying.”

Kathleen: [in full emo character] “We are all dying.”

Me: ”Well, parts of us are always dying. We lose skin cells. We breath out dead cells. But at the same time we are making new cells. So we are all dying, and we are all coming to life at the same time. It all kind of balances out.”

Kathleen: “For someone my age, I guess. But you, dad …. mostly dying.”

No matter how the conversation starts, somehow it always ends with me getting roasted by my daughters.

Cold as ice

14° at time for school this morning, and my daughter doesn’t bring a coat with her. She did this by choice. We turned around half way to school and returned home to get her coat.

Two thoughts.

1) she is a complete dumbass.😐

2) she takes after me (I’m so proud!)😍

The Dramatist

Kathleen’s monologue as I drove her to school this morning: “Why did summer have to end? Only two weeks ago I was sleeping in until 11:00. I FELT LIKE A GOD! And now I am in hell.”

She’s in a theater class this semester. I’m just going to write this one off to theater class.

It’s a Bird, It’s a Plane …

Lucy walks into the living room with Kathleen holding onto Lucy’s neck, being almost dragged along behind her.

Lucy: “You are the worst cape ever.”

Kathleen: “Hey! I get it, I’m a bad cape. But not the worst!”

The two of them disappear around the corner into the kitchen.

It’s tempting to think that what just happened was a kind of absurdist piece of performance art done for my benefit, but I’m not sure they even actually noticed I was here.

The Oracle

The other day, as is my wont, I was explaining Socrates to my daughters …”The Oracle at Delphi told Socrates friend that Socrates was the wisest man. So Socrates decided to try to prove the Oracle wrong. He went around and asked apparently wise people questions. But it turned out that when they answered him, they were confused about everything. Socrates was the wisest person because he knew that he didn’t know anything.”

Kathleen: “That makes no sense.”

Me: “Everyone else thought they knew things, but they were wrong. Socrates knew one thing, that he knew nothing. So he was right.”

Lucy: “It’s funny, because I only know one thing … It’s that Kathleen doesn’t know anything.”


Next, I really need to teach them only to use philosophy only for good and never for evil.