Hark how the bombs …

Lucy, as she placed a wrapped present under the tree: “Kathleen, do you want to see the present I got you?”

Kathleen: “No.”

Lucy: “Don’t you want to know if it’s a good present?”

Kathleen: “I don’t think any present is a bad present.”

Lucy: “It might be a prank that could blow your head off at any second.”

My children. Spreading Christmas joy throughout the house!

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The devil’s music

Jennifer, sounding surprised at herself: “You know, I’ve been listening to Spotify, and I like 90s music better than 80s music!”

Me: “Well duh. Kathleen! What does dad say about 80s music?”

Kathleen: “That’s when they invented the electric keyboard, and after that all music was crap for a decade.” Trurning to look at her mother: “That’s the one time I’m allowed to say ‘crap’ — when I’m talking about 80s music.”

Me: “Good girl.”

Mixing Metaphors

Kathleen: “I might not be able to take you in a tickle fight, but I could take you in a fist fight!”

Me: “We would never get into a fist fight.”

Kathleen: “I don’t know, maybe when I’m a teen!”

Me: “Um. I think you already have the attitude.”

Kathleen: “No! I’m not a rotten apple yet. I’m still attached to the tree!”

Me: “Oh, honey. You never get to escape from the tree.”

Kathleen: “You say that, but look at you. You’re not on the tree any more. You’re all plumped up and ready to be sold!”

……

I’m not sure I follow the metaphor, but it does have me a bit concerned about what Kathleen has planned for my retirement.