Kathleen (for the 100th time): Dad, I need a phone. All the cool girls are getting them!
Me: Well, you are either going to have to figure out how to be cool without one, or you are going to have to figure out how to live without being cool. I think either one will be a valuable lesson for you.
Kathleen: But dad, I need to be cool!
Me: Kathleen, you are not made better by what you have, you are made better by who you are.
Kathleen: Fine, whatever. So what do I have to do to be a “good person.”
Me: Well, you could begin by stopping bothering me about getting a phone.
Kathleen: Worst. Talk. Ever.