Send me a kiss by wire

Kathleen (for the 100th time): Dad, I need a phone. All the cool girls are getting them!

Me: Well, you are either going to have to figure out how to be cool without one, or you are going to have to figure out how to live without being cool. I think either one will be a valuable lesson for you.

Kathleen: But dad, I need to be cool!

Me: Kathleen, you are not made better by what you have, you are made better by who you are.

Kathleen: Fine, whatever. So what do I have to do to be a “good person.”

Me: Well, you could begin by stopping bothering me about getting a phone.

Kathleen: Worst. Talk. Ever.



Kathleen went to the doctor today for a check up. She was very proud of her performance on the eye exam.

At dinner she asked: “Do you want to see how good my eyes are?”

She popped up from her chair and ran into the kitchen beyond where I could see her and announced: “The sign on the wall says ‘JOY.'”

“Well, of course you can see that,” I replied, “The letters are huge.”

Kathleen responded: “Yea, but I’m not even looking in the right direction.”

Her mother, who could still see her, looked at me and nodded: “It’s true. Impressive Kathleen.”

I live in an insane asylum.