Missing Organs

 I got home late today.

Kathleen: Dad, do you want to see my body?

Me: Excuse me?

Kathleen: It was a rough day. I lost a lung and a kidney.


Kathleen: Come see. Lucy, where did you put my body?

Lucy: I put it to sleep on the couch. It deserves a nap. I mean … it did lose a lung today.



Lucy has had an artistic breakthrough. She has moved beyond representational Eggo (performance) art to abstract shapes. Either that or after chasing me around the house to take these pictures, she got distracted by the TV before giving me titles. But I am definitely betting on artistic breakthrough. The way she wandered away was vintage Andy Warhol.

Le Artiste

This week Lucy started a new line of Eggo (performance) art. It turns out that every bite produces a new work. Each one, she assures me, worthy of being photographed. Combined, apparently, with a suitably haughty and disinterested look from the artist.

Eggo Window Panes

Window Panes, by Lucy

Eggo Partial Windown Frame

Partial Window Frame, by Lucy

Eggo Hat

Hat, by Lucy

Eggo Van

Bus, by Lucy

Eggo House

House, by Lucy

Eggo Laser Gun

Laser Gun, by Lucy

Enlightening Errors

Each evening before bed I go over spelling words with Kathleen. Unlike when I was in school, her second grade class does not have a weekly spelling list or test. The elementary school pendulum has swung toward phonics, and there are a large list of “sight words” that they hope she will pick up by the end of the year. So I sit down with the long list and every night I add a few more words that she has not spelled before. So it was that we came to the word “long.”

Me: Kathleen, how do you spell “long”?

Kathleen: L – O (now her voice shifts to a tone indicating random guessing) um, A – D.

Me, frowning: No Kathleen, you just spelled “load.” Think about it, lll-aw-nnn-gu. There’s not even a “duh” sound in the word.

Kathleen: Well look on the bright side dad. I just learned how to spell “load”!

True Grit

Driving Kathleen home:

Me: Today I listened to a podcast about “grit.” Do you know what that is?

Kathleen: No. Sounds boring.

Me: Grit is what allows people to work hard, even at things they don’t like doing in order to achieve big goals in their lives. Are you a gritty person Kathleen?

Kathleen: I don’t know.

Me: I was wondering because you quit soccer and you quit piano. You don’t like practicing things. So maybe we need to work on your grit.

Kathleen: Um, I don’t think so.

Me: But you don’t really have any activities that develop your grit.

Kathleen: Yes I do. I watch a lot of TV.

Me: How does that show grit?

Kathleen: Sometimes shows are really long, and if you drink a lot you have to have real bladder control ….

Me: I stand corrected.

Nonexistant Parties

When I went to pick Lucy up on Monday she told me that she was going to a sleepover at a friends house. I explained that there would be no sleepover on a Monday night. She then got extremely angry at me for telling her that she could not go to the sleepover. It took me forever to try to explain that I was not saying she could not go, I was saying that the sleepover did not exist. “It’s like telling you that you can’t climb a tree that isn’t there” I told her.  “I’m not limiting you, I’m just telling you that what you want to do doesn’t make sense.” I’m still pretty sure that she eventually let it go just because she figures I was too confused about the whole thing.