Kathleen: “Everywhere I go there are adults. There must be lots more adults than kids.”
Me: “Actually, there are always more people who have been kids than people who have been adults, because all adults have been kids, but kids haven’t been adults yet.”
Kathleen: “You’re wrong dad. You forgot about Adam and Even. They were never kids.”
Me: “OK. First, you are right, I didn’t think of them. But second, did you just say ‘Adam and Even’? It’s Adam and EVE.”
Kathleen balls up her fist and shakes it at the heavens: “So close! Curse you names!”
Every time I think we have reached the peak of surreal in our conversation the girl is able somehow to turn it up another notch. She is awesome.
First thing in the morning, Kathleen, still in bed, sounding concerned: “Dad!!!”
I come to the bed: “Yes honey.”
Kathleen: “I don’t like hats anymore.”
Me: “I’m sorry, what?”
Kathleen: “I don’t like hats.”
Me: “Did you have a bad dream?”
Kathleen: “No, I had a very good dream, but I wasn’t wearing a hat.”
It is hard to argue with that kind of logic.
Lucy wanted a leaf skirt like Tinker Bell. We have leaves, and I have a stapler, and mom was out of the house, so ….
Kathleen: “Why is this show called Inspector Gadget? It should be called Penny. Gadget is only good at being silly. He can’t even recognize Brain when he is in a disguise. The disguises aren’t even good. I can recognize Brain. But Inspector Gadget can’t.”
Apparently my daughter inherited my cynicism. (I’m so proud!)
Me: “Kathleen, when you get out of the bath you need to dry off your legs.”
Kathleen: “But I like my legs all shiny.”
Me: “You are going to drip all over the place, that’s what water does.”
Kathleen: “No, water can evaporate into a gas. Then it forms clouds in the atmosphere, where it collects into small droplets and falls back to the earth as rain.”
Me: “Well, that’s all true, but … Just dry your legs.”
My daughter is making me anti-education.